Back in the day, it was a normal thing for a young lady to be brought up, aspiring to be a wife or the matriarch of a family-- nothing more or less. Millennials, those born between the years 1982-1996, however, are finding it completely hard to find a companion, if even one is desired. Millennials seem to be the laughing-stock of society nowadays, being that we’re the generation who’s a bit more complex, we’re technologically advanced, unconventional, open to all love and at the same time tremendously heartless. We’re very conflicted when it comes to emotion, and everything isn’t as black and white as it used to be. Just ask the LBGTQIA community. Point taken?
Generations before millennials went through uncountable social changes before a new age came about. For some odd reason, those changes affected them so much that, psychologically, millennials were born to love a little differently. Older millennials were born and lived through the 80’s drug era, the emerging genre of Hip-Hop/Rap music, and even the AIDS epidemic. You may ask why these things are being brought up, but honestly it could all play into why they may choose to be dependent or independent of one another in relationships. Societal norms changed drastically in the 80’s, and the babies of those parents who lived through that decade expressed those changes second-hand.
And because of that, I feel that older millennials are still more subject to wanting commitment or life-long relationships. Even looking at pop culture around that time, they had “Married with Children” while we, the younger millennials, had “Living Single.” Family life and romance was valued in the 80’s, and by the 90’s people were over monogamy. Sexuality was changing on screen and in music, and people wanted to be bold and experimental. Earlier generations paved the way for us to live freer than ever before and we truly embraced it into today.
And even though some pop culture from the 80’s carried over into the 90’s, younger millennials came up during the mighty era of the Internet and social media! Of course this wasn’t as new to older millennials, who were the first to test out virtual chat rooms and online dating, but the inter-connectivity of the Internet would change the minds of generations to come. We had more access to information and could communicate at exceedingly fast speeds. We honed in on all things digital while leaving traditional means of entertainment and leisure behind. Unfortunately, that meant real-life, human interaction and communication. Committed relationships probably haven’t suffered more.
Younger millennials are self-taught in that we rely on what we’ve learned from the web so much that we’ve convinced ourselves we can actually live life alone. Facebook memes and Twitter retweets literally ruin relationships! It’s almost as if we want to avoid what love and commitment could do to us, so we detach and desensitize instead of working together to figure it out. We’re different. We stand behind everything that the past protested against: Feminism, the patriarchy, sexism, same-sex relationships, religion, etc. Younger millennials have created this hard core within ourselves when it comes to self-identity, but dependent thinking has become our freedom.
Commitment for many millennials is like a tug-of-war. We long for what could be, but still lack the emotional capacity to stay in long-term relationships. We often choose independence because with all that’s happening in the world around us, we’d rather isolate than to carry on our partner’s afflictions as well as our own. Most millennials’ goals in life are independence from our parents, from institutionalize constraints, and monogamy. We could go into gender blaming and the exchanging of roles, but even that validates my point—we just don’t’ want to be tied up!
I asked a few close friends to give their opinions on why they believe millennials are choosing independence over being in committed relationships and here are some of their responses:
BB: “In the past, women searched for men to keep them financially stable. Now women aren’t really worried about being a wife and having kids. We want to be financially stable on our own and not have to worry about finding the ‘right guy’ to have the ‘perfect kids.’”
AD: “We choose independence because you have financial freedom, emotional freedom, the freedom of not being tied to another person, and you have time to spiritually find yourself and know what you want! I had to realize how it felt to be single and what it meant before I got into a relationship and got someone else’s issues, finances, and emotions involved. You have to be leveled and ready for that.”
KH: “I think a lot of young men have been babied and are missing that fatherly guidance in their lives. Many of them haven’t been exposed to another man properly loving a woman, so they don’t know how. It’s either they don’t want to commit, or don’t know how to, nor do they know how to express themselves. This is why women want to be independent from them. That ‘leaning on your man for support and stability’ stuff is out the window. We’ve come to the realization that we can get out and do what the men do if not better.”
DM: “I think are choosing independence over commitment because of access. The internet and social media has made it easier for us to connect to the opposite sex. Like how 10 years ago we wouldn’t know that a potential partner was 8 miles away. Now we know because of social media. We have more access and some may not want to exchange that for commitment.”
DP: “The game has changed. There are different standards for sure!”
KJ: “I think many of us have never seen a successful marriage growing up, so we don’t even know what that looks like.”
RS: “Independence is liberating and freedom of choice. There’s no strings attached, no restrictions, it allows you to be who you are genuinely without being concerned about how your actions, effect, or impact on someone else.”
GJ: “When you’re independent, you’re meeting your own needs versus when you’re in a relationship. And the people with trust issues simply like being alone because they have more options.”
Join the discussion and tell us why you think millennials are choosing independence over commitment in the comment section below.
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